Golden Age of Fantasy Piracy

The Dark Musings of Richard Percy Stonehammer III, part 2

In which we steal a boat, kill some sea goblins, I get eaten by a fat goblin and then destroy him, and then mutiny

I’m on a boat

Quite a bit has transpired since my last entry in this tome, so I will endeavor to keep this brief. Once again, my condolences to anyone unfortunate enough to break the code which I use to secure my thoughts. You deserve better, you really do.

First, we stole a boat. Piracy is merely a synonym for seafaring theft, so I am going to call a spade a spade and a stolen ship a stolen ship. On the upside, we stole it from the Dutch, so fuck them.

Second, we split from the old captain. I’m not quite sure what Harrigan’s deal was, but whatever it was, it was a bit crazy. I suspect he has some sort of crippling social disorder, otherwise speaking to the crew is usually a good plan for a captain. I have a feeling we will be seeing him again if he ever realizes we’re on a boat that he expected to get back, and more so, that we mutinied. But I get ahead of myself.

Third, we were attacked by grindylows, which are sea goblins, which are chittering shitbags that tried to kill me. This problem was taken care of; they dragged one of our shipmates overboard at the same time our ship ran aground. We had to travel to a rather run down island, where we managed to kill some ghouls (including, and I am not exaggerating, a whoregoul), then kill some grindylows. A giant, disgustingly fat grindylow tried to eat me, but I put an end to that. More to say about that in a bit as well.

Fourth, we mutinied. When we returned to the ship, it was clear the so-called captain and his first mate had plans in mind other than allowing us to keep the treasure we collected and allowing us to keep living. Unfortunately for him, he underestimated the determination and skill of our group, along with our bloodthirst (or, in one particular case, cold-hearted mechanical sense of purpose). He now sleeps with the fishes, by which I mean we burned him, stabbed him, and the broke his neck. Oh, and in the middle of the mutiny, the grindylow queen returned; I tore her hand off when she tried to attack me, and then several of my more aquatic allies dove into the water and finished her off.

Fifth, something strange is going on with my latest discovery. The mutagen I have created is fantastically powerful; I’m able to grow claws and fangs, as well as becoming far stronger than I was before. However, something bizarre happens when I drink it. More and more, I feel almost detached from myself as it happens; perhaps that is because of the awesome power that it unlocks, or perhaps something stranger is going on. I will write more on this later. It also has the additional benefit of terrifying the rest of the crew (this may be correlated to seeing me tear apart opponents in combat while under the influence of powerful magic), so they give me more space and treat me with appropriate respect despite my hairless nature.

Sixth, I have allowed Anders to become captain. He should be easy to manipulate, as his simplistic and optimistic worldview (typical for a gnome) has filled his head with dreams of romantic piracy; I am sure that right now he is dreaming of swinging from ropes with his mechanical crab, shouting implausibly long-winded speeches while wearing the fanciest hat he can find, while liberating distressed maidens and ever-fancier clothing from evil pirates and raiders. In reality, we will need to be a bit more practical, but I can see that several others on this ship share this view with me. As the powers behind the waist-height throne, we should be able to keep things on track such that we can continue our journey and I will be uninterrupted in my studies.

Now I just have to figure out what is going on with this mutagen. Also, we nominated Tib’run as the ship’s surgeon, and I have been given dominion over the sails, which leaves me ample time to tend my laboratory. I might have a few more discoveries in my hands, and the large cache of healing potions we have currently reside in my laboratory. I am near to a method of watering them down without reducing their efficacy so that we can double our supplies, but this will take a bit more experimentation as well. This begs the question of why I bother, as the rest of the crew regards me with a mix of horror and trepidation.

Chariots.

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